u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who died my cat blue again?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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