You're completely useless in the revolution.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
