im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
