I could have mohawked her pubes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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