She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
