who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
