My sheets look like a crime scene.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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