I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
