i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
