She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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