Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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