Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
