You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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