its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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