How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
