Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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