i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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