you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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