no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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