i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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