he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
