I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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