i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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