Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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