there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
