please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
