My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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