Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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