i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
