That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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