What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
