There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
