Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
