When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
