I queefed so loud it echoed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
