she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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