Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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