Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
