When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
