batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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