HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
