Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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