i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
