I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
