I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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