I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
