the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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