i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
