somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
