hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
