my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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