Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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