I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
