YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
