I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
