what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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