Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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