matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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