Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
