The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
