I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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