FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
