I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
