Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
