Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
