I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize