i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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