i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
