Porn is love you can see.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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